Welcome to my seventh fanfiction review. I am going to be reviewing "Shadow Over Yharnam Part 1" by Doctor-Plague5113. This story is very good. However, I feel bad about this, but there is only one word that can be used to describe this story: disappointing. This story isn't bad in any way, but compared to Plague's other stories, this is easily the weakest. Let's get started with the review.
Also, I'm going to start giving scores for the individual chapters now. That will show what I truly think about the chapters.
Prologue: Call of the Moon Presence - 10/10
Very good introduction. It's cool that Plague and Amelia had a kid. Also, Harold bursting in and saying "Congradulations Jackie Boy" almost made me spit Dr. Pepper onto my computer screen. And the fact that 7 years later, James rescues Plague's daughter from the Moon Presence is very cool. Not much else to say. Overall, this is a solid chapter, and definitely one of the highlights of the story.
Chapter 1: Darkness Falls - 10/10
One of my favorite chapters in the story. James, Plague, and Harold teaming up is very cool. Also, Serina is such a bitch. She used Harold's past against him. I was questioning how she knew about Harold's relationships with Henriett as well as Elena, until I remembered that she was working for a god. That's pretty much it.
Chapter 2: The Eldritch Virus - 9.1/10
This chapter is great. The fact that Harold, Jack, and James each saw someone that had died flash before their eyes is pretty damn cool. Also, Harold was on the ground crying. That really shows how much he loved his wife. What the fuck am I saying? And Legion taking the form of Kade in order to trick Amelia is pretty neat. Overall, very fantastic chapter.
Chapter 3: The Lancer's Folly - 5/10
I have very mixed feelings about this chapter. This is the chapter that disappointed me the most. The name made me very excited since I knew that it would be about Harold mostly, but it was just not as good as it could have been. Why is Harold being such a dumbass? I get that he was drunk, but how drunk was he? There are some very good things about this chapter, though. The part where James rolls off of the couch while taking the blanket with him is pretty funny. I have one question though: Why wasn't Elizabeth wearing a shirt? Jack also acts very similar to Harold, with him finding a note telling him not to do something, and he does it anyway. Overall, not a bad chapter, but it is average enough for me to take away points from the story. Also, Plague had initially left an error in this chapter, but I corrected that in my current fanfiction.
Chapter 4: Death in the Family - 10.88/10
This chapter is so damn good that it broke the ranking scale. This chapter is really cool. Kind of sad as well. James trying to do the right thing is really cool. But, he failed to do the right thing in the end. Him accidentally killing Amelia because he thinks that she is someone else is a good concept. Overall, the best chapter in the story. I don't know what that shows more: how great this chapter is, or how average the other chapters are.
Chapter 5: A Deal - 7.8/10
This chapter is okay. Jack burying Amelia shows how much he truly loved her. Also, Plague is right: Harold can have all the women that he wants. Plague making a deal with the Moon Presence pissed me off so much, though. Why does he think that the Moon Presence will hold up his side of the deal. Jackie Boy, you're an idiot. Sorry about that.
Epilogue: Valley of Defilement - 0/10
Terrible ending. This chapter does a very poor job at concluding the story. Plague should have ended the story with the previous chapter, not with this. This chapter is too out of place to be good. It is cool that James is in the Valley of Defilement, but that does absolutely nothing to save this chapter.
- Cool Villains.
- Best chapter 4 that Plague has written.
- Great concept.
- Bad ending.
- Chapter 3 is not great.
- Chapter 5 pissed me off.
- Harold Jenkins looks too weak in this story.
- R.I.P. Vicar Amelia.
- Not enough action.
"Shadow Over Yharnam Part 1" is a story that could have been an absolute masterpiece, but is just missing something to make it great. I did enjoy the story, but not as much as Plague's previous stuff. This story gets an 8.7/10.