Welcome to my fifth fanfiction review. This time arc 2 of "The Story of Luna the Kin" is being reviewed. This is the point in the story were it feels lost and confused. While the chapters are good, they tend to change direction too much, and it loses focus much more than in the first arc. This is going to be one of my longer reviews.
I'm sorry Luna, but this is going to be my first review where I don't give the story a perfect score. There is also a pretty large amount of negativity in this review. I do enjoy the story, but I have to be objective. Please don't hate me after reading this. I totally respect your hard work, but not every review is going to be positive.
Chapter 6: A Short Rest
A very descriptive chapter. I've said before that the little details add alot to the overall atmosphere of the story, and this chapter is no exception. I feel that this chapter doesn't have much conflict, but the little details make up for this by a large margain. That didn't make sense, but this chapter does a good job at explaining everything. Overall, this is one of the better chapters in the second arc.
Chapter 7: Diary of Sophia, part 1
Can someone tell me why this chapter exists? No? Because I sure as hell can't. This chapter is not poorly written or anything, but it's too out of place and doesn't fit in with the story. I feel like this chapter should be part of its own fanfiction, not here where it doesn't fit. Overall, a very poor chapter.
Chapter 8: Not ready to die
One of the best chapters in the story. Take what I said about chapter 4 in the last review, and you can pretty much apply that to this chapter. Does anything I say make sense? This is easily the most violent chapter in the story, and I praise it for that. It really makes up for the previous chapter. I am glad that Luna didn't get raped in the chapter. Also, this chapter always makes me think of the Avenged Sevenfold song Not Ready to Die.
Chapter 9: Diary of Sopia, part 2
Chapter 10: Where the lonely ones roam
Getting past how retarded the title sounds, this is another great chapter. I love the brutality and action of this chapter, and it is up there with chapters 4 and 8 for being the best chapters in the story. Well done.
Chapter 11: Where The Lonely Ones Roam, part 2
Another excellent chapter. I love the little things. I can't express that enough. The only thing that I don't like about this chapter is when the Old Hunter rapes the female Beast Patient. Why is that a thing? Why? Why? Why? Why? WHY? Let's move one before I go insane.
Chapter 12: The devil within
Another poor chapter. The name is cool, which makes the chapter even more disappointing. Can anyone tell me what the fuck is going on? Me neither. It is cool how Luna prayed to Kos, which reminds me of Micolash.
Chapter 13: Follow me home, to where the lonely ones roam
Another great chapter with a lame title. This chapter is great because it reminds me of one of my favorite movies, Edge of Tomorrow. I was not expecting a reference to that movie in a Bloodborne fanfiction. Another really great chapter.
- Chapters 8 and 10 are masterpieces.
- Chapters 7 and 9 are bad.
- Loses focus too much.
- Much more difficult to follow.
- A hunter raped a beast.
Arc 2 could have been an absolute masterpiece, but that potential was wasted. Chapters 7 and 9 should have been cut, chapter 12 should be easier to follow, and the story should stay on topic. I give arc 2 a 7.8/10.
Again, I am sorry for being negative, but, in all honesty, I have to be negative here. I hate being dishonest, so everything I say is completely honest.
Also, if you want to review my fanfictions, you can, but I won't force you. Have a good day.